Don’t forget to look me up on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter under “RealAutismSpeak” if you want to follow my daily exploits, for more than what I’m able to put out here–for the time–on this blog! Also on Clouthub, Gab, MAGAbook, Telegram, GETTR, Minds, Truth Social, and Locals as well….might look into Substack too.
Yeah…..as stated last time, I was all prime and set to post this….and then woke up on Sunday, completely beached with one of the worst headaches imaginable; the likes of which I hadn’t experienced since about two weeks before. Incidentally enough, headaches are part of what I’m gonna talk about today, but the type of headache I got hit with left me pretty much unable to do anything at all. Was laying on my bed for hours, napping here and there, eating something here and there, just hoping anything would get rid of it. By the time it went away, I kinda just wanted to relax for the rest of the night, regardless. I stated in this entry that I learned just under two weeks ago how headaches can be symptoms of ascension….and I believe I endured plenty of those over the last two weeks, as well, but I think there’s a difference in the severity. Now today, I’m experiencing gastro-intestinal issues…..after not having eaten that much yesterday; according to the podcasts I’ve been listening to, it wouldn’t necessarily be limited to headaches; ascension symptoms can give you pains in various parts of your body, really. Yes I took Pepto for my gastro issues, so I wouldn’t have to be on the latrine constantly while I go between writing this to bolting downstairs to check on my laundry, etc, but as for painkillers, I now only take them for headaches when they’re…..in that territory, if that makes sense. The ones I take to be ascension-related, I can ride out. That said, let’s get to the topic at hand, due to the person who…..I’m not sure if she could, and no, I’m not saying that to lash out or anything, relax….
I’ve talked about my Mom quite a bit over the years in entries, likely much to the chagrin of my relatives (on her side) if they ever bother reading this blog….and one thing I’ve made sure to emphasize was that she was on enough medications to fill up half a kitchen tabletop. My Mom may as well have had her Dr (yes I knew his name, he became mine at one point, and for the purposes of privacy, I will not state what it was) on speed dial, as she was constantly finding a new problem that she wanted to bring to the Doc’s attention to have cured, as soon as possible; I remember one time my Dad and I were even listening to the answering machine, where the Doc left her a message about her test results having come back in, and you could hear the frustration and exhaustion in his voice; not just because he was a busy doctor in NJ, but because he was getting tired of her coming in for every goddamn little thing. Was her body essentially built the way Maris Crane is described on the TV show Frasier….you know, minus the wealth, plow-ahead and social affluence? Pretty much, and again….low blood count, needing to drink Ensure to keep her strength up, on Coumadin, on medication to keep one of the chambers of her heart beating; I know…..it’s like…the more you add on, the more depressing and hopeless it sounds, right? Like “she was lucky she even made it that far”, right?
Well dear reader, here’s what I keep mulling over as of late…and I keep wondering if maybe it’s not just because of my own journey in the process, but also because we’re just a little over a week away from what would’ve been their 44th Wedding Annniversary: I’ve been thinking that maybe there was a lot more to my Mom’s “medical issues” that for various reasons I’m gonna get into that she didn’t realize the pharmaceutical industry couldn’t help her with, and God was trying to communicate with her to build her up, and there was just a point where he gave up. Journey with me, will you?
Lemme kick this segment off with something semi-unexpected:
so I decided to quickly browse my Facebook feed before starting this entry, and honestly today it’s filled “with the stupid”, so was easy for me to tune out….but one thing that quickly caught my attention was my cousin’s husband posting one of those “first day of Kindergarten for our youngest” photos, with all the mandatory family and friend likes and all that. Incidentally, just a few weeks prior, he’d shared a post stating why he loved Stanley Kubrick so much…and I commented about his being on the Spectrum…..and was of course met with dead silence. Why do I bring this up? Welcome to the experience with Normies. You know…the same people you also see all posting the same pictures of their babies next to numbers formed out of objects to show how many months/years old their babies are, yet again to standing ovation by more Normies who will forget it as soon as they see it and “like” it. “Ok ok, Russell….yer ragging on people non-stop like an asshole; why are you doing that?” Because dear reader, this is the mentality of the crowd my Mom was so desperate to appeal to, and to the surprise of no one, utterly crashed and burned. Did she so much love how everyone congratulated her upon my birth, and got all that sweet, sweet attention for being a new mother? Of fucking course she did…..but then what happens after that? Just like with everyone else who posts that shit, people just move on to the next thing (my own relatives even “liked” the posts that Facebook recirculated of my parents’ wedding album….when it wasn’t even t heir anniversary, and they could’ve just looked at them during that time; but they had to be “reminded” by Facebook). Now, as I understand it, it’s very common in female circles to just “complain” with your friends, not for the sake of accomplishing anything, but to vent, and feel some emotional closeness with them or something (which drives me batshit crazy, regardless of which gender does it), and of course my Mom did do this too……but looking back, I do sense she wanted some genuine relief from it, and that she didn’t fully understand the practice on the same frequency, cause you know….she wasn’t on it.
I hate to quote Al Bundy, but fuck it: “never try to understand women; women understand women, and they hate each other”; there’s apparently a term men–and a lot of Red-Pill channels use in describing female relationships with each other: frenemies. Well, looking back at what happened with my parents and the other couple they were so close to before I was born, because of the fallout between my Mom and the woman–not to mention all the other friends she tried to have after that–I just don’t think she was on that lower wavelength to “understand” it, if that makes sense. I remember my Mom would bring up “unfortunate problems” to people, and I could tell by the expression I clearly remember on her face that she was trying to “participate” in the “vent but not accomplish” ritual so stereotypically associated with females (scream at me all you want; talk to Rollo Tomassi, Darius M, and Richard Cooper, ok?), but…..God wanted her for something much more than that, and part of the reason my parents kept getting put thru the ringer the way they were was a sign from God that they were “pushing constantly on a door that says pull”, and that he wanted them to overcome it, cause they were meant for something better…..at least he knew my Mom was, and I promise you my Dad would’ve been totally gung-ho with going whatever with my Mom figured out to better herself, and the both of them in the process. I know, I know…..the female likes to follow in the male’s lead, but in the case of my parents, the male wasn’t getting sick every five minutes. Besides, they were surrounded by plenty of couples where the wife was doing much better financially than the husband was…..basically carrying the family, so to speak.
Here’s what it comes down to: I believe God wanted her to ascend; find herself, and do amazing things with the abilities she clearly had, but had no self-confidence or self-esteem to pursue. Am I saying my Dad would’ve joined her in it? Maybe as….best as he understood it? It would’ve been more of a case where she was empowering herself, my Dad would’ve encouraged her excitedly, and the family in general would’ve been better off for it. Then unfortunately came the little nugget that was their surrounding environment; one totally comprised of Matrix-plugged-in people, who were neither in any position to support her ascension, nor had any desire, but are subconsciously programmed to tear it down. “So Russell”, you ask “how was she gonna overcome that, huh?!!!!!!!”.
I did it. And I realized it was so bad there, I left the state in part over it.
I realize I’m also a guy, but guess what….there are plenty of other females who have overcome that shit too, and made a name for theirselves in the process. I’m not saying they’ve completely jumped ship from the narrative/matrix, but they at minimum broke free from the lowest depths, and I know of the two of them, my Mom was definitely the smart one. Unfortunately, rather taking every obstacle that came their way as a chance for growth to overcome, she hid behind my Dad while they shrank, and let someone else deal with it; in her case, rather than overpowering every single ache and pain that came her way (at least the ones she was meant to), she kept getting them, running from doing anything, and found herself completely stagnant, and finally…..dead at 54. Mere. Months. From. Their. 25th. Wedding. Anniversary. There was simply a point God said “you know what? I’ve tried for decades to get thru….and I’m not getting thru; their son still has hope though; I have a lot planned for him, but he can’t be held back by this stagnation, if he’s to achieve it”, and he did what he sadly had to do. Her own body said “system shutdown; permanently this time”.
I’d like to mention briefly that one of my Mom’s biggest complaints in life was how my Dad’s parents treated her, when I was first born; like she was incompetent and incapable of raising a child; you may recall how I stated in my initial entries about her being taken that I remember her very well just walking back and forth throughout the house, stimming violently, talking to herself, screaming, feeling sorry for herself about that terrible treatment….for 20. Straight. Fucking. Years. Was anyone really gonna help her, or know who to direct her to? I repeat: matrix environment; they were completely unqualified, but in the very least as I’ve learned you at least have to be able to entertain the thought, and stand by it, whether or not you push people away in the process….and you will push the Normies away. The reason I brought up though about her rage with my Dad’s parents was that I remember asking her “when will you let this go?” Her honest-to-God response was “when they’re dead”. Well, dear reader, guess who God took first?!
That alone was indication to me he wanted to see her grow and ascend on her own terms, no matter how shitty the family was to her, or how scared of standing up to his parents my own Dad was…..and don’t think for five minutes I was afraid to; starting in my mid-late teens, I blasted the shit out of them, and quite often. I was at it with my family quite a lot, in my mid/late teens-early 20s. It was that period I’ve mentioned previously where I found myself very lost in life, feeling completely betrayed by the matrix system, but having no further answers as of yet.
Getting back to my Mom though, I realize now God gave her every imaginable opportunity to overcome her obstacles, and fight, but understanding she likely didn’t know how, wanted support she wasn’t going to get from people who didn’t want to give it to her, saw her loading up on unhealthy pharmaceutical chemicals, matrix food, and propaganda better known as “tv and movies”, and as a result was only gonna drag any necessary future progress down, he finally took that chess piece out.
I do not do this entry, please understand, to attack my Mother at all. I know if any of my relatives do read this, they’re gonna tear me apart for it like they seem to do every other time, since I’m not making everything sound “hunky dory” like the fucking Stepford Wives. I do this entry to lay my case, with a prime example, that God wants to see us grow, harmonize with our abilities, and find our purpose; he wants Normies to do it too….but the Autistic folks; we’re already on that 5D frequency; he has a higher calling for us, but we all signed that soul contract long before we were born; we knew what we were getting into, and we had to endure it to prepare ourselves to be the strongest warriors necessary for his toughest battles to come. You may recall in my last entry, I spoke about our heightened senses, and how they’re designed to pick up more details; yes….all of that is necessary for the tasks God wants us each to accomplish.
Mom…..I really hope up there that things are far more clear to you now than they ever were then, but I hope you’re also enjoying the progress you’re seeing…and I hope Ludwig, Morris, and Grandpa Leon are enjoying it too.
Next time, we’re gonna get to where both this and the previous entry were actually intended to lead smoothly into; I said before that I realized there might be more to my buying up records like mad, and how it fits in with the sensory issues as God designated them for me, and I’m gonna be getting into that…in hopes that perhaps you folks will be able to find similarities in your own lives, on your own terms. See ya soon!