Don’t forget to look me up on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter under “RealAutismSpeak” if you want to follow my daily exploits, for more than what I’m able to put out here–for the time–on this blog! Also on Clouthub, Gab, MAGAbook, and Minds as well, and may be looking into GETTR and a few others soon.
Before I start this entry, I wanted to mention that I decided to apologize to my coworker over the explosive argument we got into back in May. Yeah, we’re kinda on talking terms again. She said I scared her, and yes…..anyone who expects the sociopathic “standards” of common modern discussion would indeed be scared by someone being passionate and animated the way I communicate. Relax, I’m not apologizing for being me, or doing what I did; I essentially apologized realizing…..she’s not gonna get it, nor is it my place to see to it that she does. I just wanted to restore peace with someone who doesn’t even have the slightest grasp of what’s going on/what I’m saying; “Joe Normie” as it were. There is no point to holding grudges or things like that when the other party doesn’t even get it. It’s part of the work I’m doing in regard to trying to become my “best self”, as it were. I also wasn’t intentionally trying to be condescending there when I said that; she and I are on completely different wavelengths essentially, and….well, a follower, so again…..a lot of folks you just have to let them find their own way in that regard.
So yesterday I mentioned I went to a wedding in Berlin Heights Ohio, for a former coworker of mine, and that I would discuss my experience about it; I was planning to do that anyway, but I try to keep you guys up on top of things as much as I can, of course. Let’s get right into it, shall we? (Also the reason I’m using that as the title is partially because I seriously can’t think of anything better, and I do see some symbolism in the idea of a “wall” when it comes to our understanding of romance, et al)
So, first and foremost, I was expecting to be there, and chat with at least a few former coworkers. I got to a little bit, but the majority of the coworkers who said they would be there never showed up. In fairness, they may’ve had to cancel or something. I was also hoping to meet my former coworker’s daughter who is also on the spectrum, but she didn’t like events like these, so also didn’t show up; it’s fine…gave me less incentive to hang around beyond the ceremony and getting a little something to munch on before leaving (after the last wedding I went to, I really didn’t want to sit at the table bored out of my mind, falling asleep due to the droning sound of the loud dance music). Well, that being said, there was another interesting aspect to this wedding…..as it would be the very first wedding I’d be attending where I was no longer trying to dissect “what I was doing wrong” with dating/jealous of the other parties, or things like that.
I was there for the sole purpose of supporting my coworker and his mom (both coworkers), and that was all she wrote….and I knew whether my other former coworkers showed up or not, I’d get some great fodder to share with you folks…..and I did! Lemme kick off the event by mentioning I was one of the first people there; I was kinda anxious about going to the event, had been to this town a total of once before (like…..10 years ago?) and kinda wanted to scope the place out a bit, and make sure I didn’t hit traffic or have problems getting there, or a myriad of other things. I also always like to get there early; I’m just that guy. I’d say it was a good 20 minutes/half hour before anyone else showed up, and that included the mother of the Groom (she and he were my two former coworkers). I didn’t know how to get inside the place, or if anyone was inside yet, but I knew I was at the right place cause of the big ceremony tent outside with lawn chairs….however I had to use the latrine really bad…..and thankfully found a nearby outhouse which was surprisingly not vomit-inducing, so I was able to relieve myself (I know, didn’t you just feel you needed that detail, so badly?).
So when they arrived, we started heading into the building, and I spent a good amount of time chatting with the mother, as she was one of the folks who gave me some of the best advice about dating–several years back–imaginable, and I wanted to thank her for it: she was the one that told me that being set up probably wasn’t the best move, especially for me, cause you need to know the person you’re setting up well enough, otherwise it will be a disaster. As most of you already know–and likely also applies to you–most people don’t know me all that well, in general, and putting forth the effort to do so is usually on the thin side.
Well, this also connects very nicely with something that a former friend of mine–whom I met thru my previous ex-girlfriend–said to me, after our breakup, when I asked her “how do you know when you’ve met that right one?”…..ok, I confess my question to her was far more specific, but I honestly don’t remember exactly what I said, and I know I wrote about it somewhere, just don’t remember at the moment exactly where. I remembered using my cousin (the Shark Tank one) who’d then recently been betrothed with her husband as an example; my former friend responded to me with “you need to be on the same page, really; that’s how you know; you and “Jeanette” were not on the same page”……and from there, I took it to “we weren’t on the same page, we weren’t even looking at the same book, in the same library, in the same library network, network of networks, or even on the same planet of networks (in fact, feel free to look up the term “calcified pineal gland”; I see myself likely to start using it here soon, a lot more often)!
Well, folks, guess what? That’s….kinda my experience with everybody! As my original entry on dating (that eventually got transferred here, with some alterations and updates) said it best: “right now, nobody is any good for me”, and no one still is, even 10 years later…but I’m also at the point where I no longer care; if someone comes along, they come along. It’s like how Gary Vaynerchuk talks about people doing things out of a sense of “supposed” to do them in a certain way; there’s no “supposed to”; follow what makes you happy in life. Not only do most people just fucking annoy me (so I only deal with them on an as-needed basis), but as I was talking with my former coworker about it, she reminded me that my personality is very intense, overwhelming, and loud to people….and that scares them off. Well, you know what? That’s part of where the “red pill” aspect comes in, to me…because if they don’t even understand what they’re getting, then they’d essentially be “settling” for me. Hell, I still believe “settling down” means exactly that……so if they’re “settling” for me, it’s not what they really want; if they don’t even understand it, neither party is genuinely happy, and if they can find “better”, believe me, they’re gonna do it….and lord is that gonna create unnecessary drama in an already bad situation; why try to hunker myself down for a ton of people who are–effectively–already revealing that they’re all wrong for me, from the get-go, especially for an end goal that they’re more accustomed to that doesn’t even seem particularly satisfactory to me?
You want to hear where this gets even more fun? So, her son and his bride get there late, after we’ve already been directed to the tent for the ceremony, and apparently, they both need to “down a few” for the experience. Now, please bear in mind: it’s not like I knew her son well enough–even when we worked together–to make judgments about what he does and doesn’t do, and hell if I’ve kept in contact with him at all over the years; to be fair, I barely even interacted with him at the wedding. That being said, when you have to down a few for such an event, it makes me wonder if marriage was even genuinely something they wanted to do, or felt pressured to do. He also wanted to keep the ceremony extremely brief (just keep to the basics), and then from being a bit plastered, he kept screwing up a few of his vows. Now, I’m not gonna lie…this kinda pissed me off slightly; not his screwing up the vows, but how the crowd just brushed it off like it was nothing, because you know damn well if I–or most of you–had been in that position with the vows, it wouldn’t have been taking so lightly or humorously (though in fairness I think it would’ve been a better chance that it would have out where I live now, as opposed to on the East Coast).
All the same, after getting to the ceremony late, downing a few, and keeping it brief, they were officially legally married. We went inside a short time later–after standing around outside for a short while (and that’s something I’ve always noticed people do at these receptions; I’ve never understood it)–to sit down, for most to continue doing just that, before they brought the food out. I literally decided I was just gonna eat something, then head out…didn’t want to hang around for the music or anything. I did let his Mom know what my plans were, and again her own daughter wouldn’t show up, not being a fan of these occasions–so she didn’t take it as a slight or anything. Also, I feel like the way I navigated myself at the wedding and reception was an indicator of where I’ve come to in life as opposed to where I’ve been. I did used to get more anxious about getting up to go somewhere, thinking people would be staring at me or something (when I was much younger of course); now I just did it, let ’em stare. I did happen to notice the whole time that we were inside though……that there were a lot of babes there, and I noticed they were all covered in tattoos and piercings (sorry it just doesn’t do anything for me, folks; not knocking you if it’s your thing…it just isn’t mine), but on top of it…they either seemed plastered, unhappy, or both. Again, I don’t feel like I’m missing much, but…..this brings me into my final point, about all of this…..
While we were outside in the tent for the ceremony, I got to thinking about some words my cousin gave me when he got married to his girlfriend back in 2019: he told me that the whole experience was more for the spectacle of the crowd, and especially the females; in fact, that latter aspect every single Red-Pill channel in existence pretty much backs him on. I remember that he told me most of his wedding was a complete blur because just so much planning and–just everything–goes into the event; it’s very tiring, and very overwhelming. The reason I bring this up–even seeing what went into this far smaller reception for my former coworker–is that it kinda goes back to what Gary Vaynerchuk says: “is it what you really want?”. At least to me, you have to be really devoted to wanting to go thru this whole kit-&-caboodle for the giant undertaking and effort it seems to require; bear in mind, I’m not even talking about all the legal & financial aspects about the marriage itself (hell you could take care of that in an afternoon at your local municipal court house); I’m referring to everything that goes into the ceremony celebrating the event. Bottom line is, a lot goes into both marriage, and the participational “announcement” of that union of two people and their families. I remember sitting there, in the tent, thinking “would I really, really want to go thru all of this?” My response at this time is shrugging my shoulders, complimented with an “eh…..”. No, I’m not saying it will be yours, I’m just saying……you have to decide if you really want it, or you just think you do, because you’re told you’re “supposed” to have it. On top of that, then you’ll have to hope that marriage won’t be one of the “statistics” of divorce, several years later. I already stated in one of my earlier pieces that I knew for a fact if I followed what I was told I was “supposed” to have, I’d already be on my 3rd or 4th of that, at minimum. Bear in mind I’d also still be of a mindset with a severe inferiority complex, and as even a former neighbor told me “that’s not you”…and she’s right!
Coming up soon:
An entry expanding more on the whole concept of “first impressions”…..and also hopefully finally getting to several very important entries for our community that I’ve been holding back on for months. Stay tuned, and stay frosty! 😉