Don’t forget to look me up on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter under “RealAutismSpeak” if you want to follow my daily exploits, for more than what I’m able to put out here–for the time–on this blog! Also on Clouthub, Gab, MAGAbook, Telegram, GETTR, Minds, Truth Social, and Locals as well….might look into Substack too.
This is gonna be another short one, as I spend time ruminating over my upcoming “regular” entries (when I have time to), but it’s something I’m excited to share, and I really want you awesome folks to think about, moving forward….
I stated in this entry here that due to my focusing on connecting with God, having let my shield collapse a few years back, I’m coming to re-discover who I was before taking on the matrix’s “terms”, if you will…..and not only am I much happier in the process, but I’m also starting to feel like my old self again; the playful, more happy-go-lucky fella I was, when I was not even 10 years old that didn’t even understand the concept of “keeping up with the joneses”, and was happy to be in his own world, just focusing on enjoying life, which everyone around me hated. Might I add, the same guy that my first girlfriend was attracted to, and likely deep down what pulled in my previous ex, to the subconscious dismay of our surroundings. If you were wondering, it also turned off those who were around me and my first girlfriend too…because surprise surprise. Yeah….imagine fully-grown adults being jealous of a 6-year old kid; actually, you know what? They already were when I was 4, and they were retired, so I guess that statement isn’t totally accurate, but I’ll keep it anyway 😉
Now, don’t get me wrong….I’m in no way saying that I’m just gonna revert back to the naive dolt who looked for the best in everyone, and was eager to be a people pleaser, and do whatever possible to make everyone happy; I said I’m finding myself again, I didn’t say I’m a blithering idiot. I’m 40 years old now; God gave me time to get the experience I need, to know what I’m actually dealing with, with those around me; to understand them and why they do what they do…..whether I approve or not. I understand now most people don’t “know something I don’t”, they will settle for less, and what they often claim to view as “better times”….really weren’t, they’re just viewing it from a very limited scope/rose-colored lenses; I mean, whattaya expect, considering they’re not Autistic, and they don’t play chess? 😉
I have a better understanding now of how things “actually were”, if that makes sense, how the dominoes fell, what the public has allowed, and honestly….all the contradictions and compromises that come with the pressures of social assimilation, and I never in a million years would’ve ever guessed that “they’re just jealous” held more weight to it than I ever realized… or to just what extent jealousy and insecurity would really take their actions, and how they carry theirselves….to the point where it creates a huge ripple effect amongst the masses.
Thanks to God allowing me to see all this, I couldn’t care less anymore for social status/currency I will never have, nor deep down really have any desire for, whether or not I have a hot girlfriend to show off to everybody, the latest shiny new toy, and the list goes on. You may be saying to yourself “but Russell, you’ve been saying this since the blog started; so you’ve been lying to us this whole time?” Not at all, dear reader; my journey–as you may recall–started back in 2018, 2 years before I started this blog…so I was on the path to re-discovery before then, but only recently am I coming to realize just how much my demeanor is changing back to what I remember it being, rather than being disappointed that “I don’t have what I’m supposed to have”; it’s extremely freeing and fulfilling, I assure you!
That’s what it comes down to: deep down, you don’t want the world to love you and appreciate you for who you pretend to be, you want to be loved and appreciated for who you really are, underneath that shield you’ve been wearing for so long….underneath that costume. If you really want to unleash who you really are, and allow the King/Queen back on the throne, you need to find him/her again! Let the world see you for who you really are, stop apologizing for being that person, and embrace that truth-teller! Say it loud, and say it proud, and let your own personal kingdom thrive!
Getting Real With Autism 